Help.

I’m preparing myself to lie to you.
I lay awake longer than usual,
Thinking and hurting and crying,
Heavy guilt sinking me into my mattress,
As well as the weight of these tears.

I finally drift to sleep,
And I dream a terrible dream.
Fighting my way through
An ocean of my own tears,
Floating on my tattered bed.

I wake up with my wet face
And pillow and mattress, too.
Could the maybe truth
Hurt you even more
Than the pain I’ll feel knowing I lied?

I’ve hurt you too much thus far,
I can’t live with myself either way.
I know the lie would keep you happy,
And the maybe truth would
Force me to directly hurt you myself.

Who’s to blame for this problem,
What’s the greater evil,
Where’s the greater pain,
When will we be on better terms,
How will I ever get over this?

Help.