The First One

Dear Boy,
Here is my confession to you - I'm not sure if you'll still care. But I'm going to tell you anyways, because I can't bare this secret any longer. I've loved you all along, how could you not see?!

I couldn't say sorry enough times. I'm sorry for being untrustworthy and unreliable. I'm sorry that he's always there. I'm sorry for all of the stupid things he says. I'm sorry for just walking by. I'm sorry for deceiving you. I'm sorry that I'm too late.

You don't love me anymore, and that drives me absolutely crazy. I guess I thought he might change; my fingers are still crossed. Sometimes, I wish that you could read my mind. There's so many thing I'm too afraid to say.

But I will say this. I hope one day you'll see how much you mean to me. I hope one day you'll recognize the kindness in your eyes. I hope one day you'll look into mine and find he truth behind them. I hope one day you'll understand why I'm trying so hard to lie to you, and to myself.

Nobody could ever mean as much to me as you do right now. I don' know what I'm more afraid of - falling for you undeniably right now, or losing my chance forever. If I let myself fall for you, it could be more serious than any relationship with anyone else, ever. I don't like being vulnerable, and love is a vulnerable feeling to deal with.

Dear, please know that later, if you ever forgive me and want to love me again, you definitely can.

My heart is in your hands,
- Girl.