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So,

I wrote this for someone two Christmases ago. I don't know if they ever visit this page anymore, but I thought I'd put it on here instead of give it to them. I can't tell if this is still even applicable to our lives. I hope he knows I love him even though I don't always know the right thing to say. Two years ago, I tried to find the right words. I hope they suffice tonight.

Never-before revealed secrets
Spilling from my fingers
Just to be read by
You.
In the future,
We’ll eat breakfast with pounding headaches
And share a cat while pretending its mine.
But for now,
We run through Walmart
And pretend that I’m a real psychologist
And ride the bus together
And intently listen
And learn from each other.
You’ve taught me that
Real friends exist,
Some people don’t judge,
I can laugh at myself,
And that someone understands me.
In so many ways,
You have saved my sanity.
I’m writing this to thank you,
Not because I need to,
Or because I owe you for your forgiveness.
I’m writing this because you’re the greatest friend I’ve ever had.
Thank you for showing me such greatness was possible.

Merry Christmas To My First Love

A year ago today, we were it. We were honest to God the happiest couple in the entire world. I didn't have a doubt in my mind that you were perfect. You felt the same about me. Then, this summer, you remembered what beer tasted like, and you wanted it back. You wanted to be something I was not, something I detested. But I learned to love the new, preppy you. Your love for me had already faded by then.
We tried to get back together over and over, each time with a new hope that maybe, just maybe, this time we'd find our happiness again and be as perfect as we used to be. But instead, you kissed another girl and I kissed another boy in revenge. This isn't us. Alcohol has messed us up so much. Losing people is my greatest fear and it has come alive in you. All I ever wanted was you. You are, and always will be deep down, my second half. I have given you so many pieces of me that will forever be yours. There are some thing's I just can't give to anyone else.
A week ago, you looked me in my eyes and told me that I was what you really wanted. You cried as you told me that you meant it this time. What a fool was I to believe you, my darling. Apparently, a lot can change in a week. I think the only thing that will never change is my love for you. You know that it will always be here, whether or not I remain in your heart or not. My only weakness in this whole entire world, I will always be here for you. I pray that you never forget about me, that you keep my letters and all of my pictures.
You're the only thing I wanted for Christmas. But all I'll get is an anniversary spent all alone and no fulfillment on Christmas Day.

gossip

i know all of your secrets &
you don't even know my name.

i love you

i'm afraid that one day i'll open my eyes
and find out that you were a dream,
nothing but something i came up with one night.
your pure perfection makes that thought appear
doubtless.
i pray that you'll forgive me for my mistakes,
for yours have all dissipated from my mind.
i won't be able to let go of you anytime soon.
i'm nowhere near ready to say goodbye,
to stop holding you,
to never hear you speak of your love for me.
i want to rewind.
i want to be the perfect girl that
you've always told me i was for you.
this has been my first and greatest mistake.
please let my actions be a dream but
i never want to wake up from
the fairytale that is you.

Pour Through Me

We lie in each other's arms, eyes shut and fingers open, and all the colors of the world pass through our bodies like strings of fire.

Reality

You know.
Every single time,
Without a doubt at all,
You will always know.
I can't count on you for anything at all anymore
Except for knowing when I am the most weak.
Please stop giving me chances,
Because you know that I'll keep taking them,
And taking you back.
Consider changing,
Try not to continuously break my heart.
Make a conscious effort to stop this hurt
Because I've made a conscious effort to forget about it and
Forgive you everytime.
I'm hurting,
And I have been hurting for the past two months.
Make this jump worth it,
Because I am so sick and tired of
Falling flat on my face.